


I Need My Player One

by aesthetic_trashcan



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I spent so long writing this, I swear, M/M, Michael Mell - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, The Squip - Freeform, at the request of my girlfriend, boyf riends - Freeform, briefly, jeremy heere - Freeform, just kind of, lemme tell you, no death this time, not even really there, not much angst, the Squip is still there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 17:41:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14062032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesthetic_trashcan/pseuds/aesthetic_trashcan
Summary: “Why would you still want to be friends with me? I mean I’m broken.” He whispered shaking his head“What do you mean why would I want to be friends with you? Dude you’re the coolest person ever and besides if didn’t have you who would play video games with me”I can’t summarize so have a snippet. Enjoy :)





	I Need My Player One

**Author's Note:**

> So uh enjoy this maybe? Uh I spent a lot of time on it. Lots of weeks. Lots of frustration for synonyms. Ask my girlfriend. Enjoy. :)

Jeremy was broken to say the least. The Squip entered, the Squip lurked, and now he exited. Leaving Jeremy a small shell of who he was before. He was fragmented. Like a shattered mirror. He was still himself but the image being cast back at him was distorted and blurry. A far cry from the geeky boy that used to face him when he woke up every morning. 

He looked paler than before. He had dark circles under his eyes. He looked tired. He looked defeated. There was only one thing that even kept him alive at this point. And that one thing was Michael Mell. He reminded him he was worthy. Worthy of love. Worthy of life. They had been best friends for years until Jeremy had gotten his Squip. When he left Michael behind for something he thought was better. It wasn’t. Nothing or no one would ever replace Michael Mell.  
Michael had taken him back in immediately after the Squip left him, but he couldn’t help but feeling things were different now. He knew things were different. 

Because he was hopelessly, irrevocably, desperately in love with him in a way that could not be changed, reversed, or recovered. But he knew Michael could never feel the same way about him. Not after what he had done to him. How he had treated him. 

But the thing was. Michael was in love with him. He had been for the last four years. He was beyond ecstatic to have the old dorky Jeremy back with him. He was overjoyed things could finally return to normal. Just him and Jeremy wasting Saturday nights playing Apocalypse of the Damned, and eating unhealthy amounts of pizza. But that wasn’t what happened at all. 

The Squip had a lasting and devastating effect on Jeremy. A friendship of twelve years with him and yet there were parts—new parts, and old parts—of Jeremy that Michael had to uncover. It was all so complicated like learning a foreign language or teaching yourself rocket science. Even though he was close to Jeremy in a way no one would ever understand he also felt like he was further from him than ever. 

Michael could only hope to know what had happened to Jeremy. The absolute torture he had gone through, as he hardly ever talked about it. He laid out the basics how the Squip wouldn’t let him eat junk food, would shock him everytime he did something out of line, or let his posture slouch. Sometime he would forget the Squip was gone straightening his spine whenever he found himself slouching as if he’d been shocked. He’d laugh it off as if it were no big deal but Michael knew a forced smile when he saw one. 

He seemed to hate himself more than ever now. His self-esteem was nonexistent and the amount of jokes he made at his own expense only seemed to increase. If you thought he was anxious before it was nothing compared to now. Michael didn’t know all of what had happened, but he understood that the Squip had constantly insulted and berated Jeremy. 

Sometimes Michael wondered if the Squip had even left. There were times when Jeremy would space out or stop what he was doing and squint in concentration his face twisting into one of annoyance or fear, or sometimes concentration. A few times he had caught him mumbling to himself. Though he had never confronted him about it as he was afraid of getting him upset at mention of the Squip, until one night he looked close to panicking. 

“Hey Jeremy?” he asked tentatively 

Jeremy’s head snapped up in surprise as if he had forgotten Michael was even there. “Oh hey yeah what’s up?” he answered staring at him almost spacing out again. Michael had to look away. ‘Dude does the Squip ever still yknow...talk to you? Sometimes I see you just stare off into space and zone out. Like do you still see him?” he trailed off watching Jeremy closely who in turn wasn’t answering. 

Michael drug a nervous hand through his hair watching Jeremy. He didn’t have the same zoned out look on his face that he did whenever Michael suspected that the Squip was trying to talk to him. He looked more shocked than anything. Which he shouldn’t have been, he wasn’t exactly the best at hiding his emotions but still. 

Jeremy let out a shuddering breath and Michael leaned forward slightly in anticipation or in fear he couldn’t decipher, but his one hope was that Jeremy trusted him enough to unload this on him. 

“He does. He’s here Michael and I- I don’t know what to do.” He said “He can’t physically do anything to me, but he has a lot to say” He said forcing a laugh trying to make light of the situation. Michael looked what can only be described as horrified. Forgetting all boundaries and rules he immediately pulled Jeremy into him hugging him, comforting him in the best way he knew how. 

Jeremy froze up in Michael’s arms not knowing what to say, how to respond. Michael never acted this way. They were best friends, bros, dudes, whatever you wanted to call it. Michael did not ever hug him, at least not in this way. But still Michael cradled him until he had seemed to calm down and placed him gently back in his seat. 

“Sorry I asked dude, you okay?” He asked but there was a certain type of softness in his voice that Jeremy just couldn’t ignore. ‘Yeah fine...bro?” he said with uncertainty. Michael nodded decisively. “Okay just uh let’s try to play the game yeah?” he said leaving no room for an answer and turned back to the tv screen and unpaused the game. 

Jeremy tried to continue playing his game but wasn’t really able to focus. He was rerunning every interaction he’d had with Michael Mell since they met when they were children. Everything seemed different to him now that he could look at it differently. 

“Michael?” He said suddenly setting his controller down not really able to avoid the subject anymore, there was no way he could just let the topic slip by him like Michael seemed like he wanted to. 

“Yeah dude?” he said turning his head slightly to see Jeremy had set his controller down and he did as well. He had to take a second to mentally prepare himself for the conversation that was about to happen and then he turned to face Jeremy pasting a smile on his face although you could still pick out the nervousness he doubted Jeremy would be able to in the state he was in. That state being his seemingly permanent state of anxiety. Picking at his cardigan, which he hardly ever wore anymore, and biting his lip. It was kind of adorable he had to admit, but it usually meant he was a little overwhelmed. 

“How do you feel about me?” Jeremy asked trying to be as blunt as he could so Michael couldn’t dodge the question. Michael visibly tensed up and shrugged “I mean your my bro…..bro.” He said his voice raising up at the end as if he was questioning himself. 

“We both know that’s not true.” Jeremy said almost to himself. “You know even when I think he’s not here he’s here, and he knows. At least he thinks he knows. He says these things and i don’t really know if i should believe him. One minute he’ll tell me that there’s no one that could love someone as ugly and damaged as me, and the next he’ll be be taunting me telling me that you love me and how obvious it is and how stupid I am for not noticing before and Michael I’m so confused” He said his voice cracking, he was so close to tears now. 

“And besides I just, I’ve tried so hard to keep this to myself. How-How did you know?” He asked softly toying with his cardigan 

“Jer…” he said softly and scooted over slowly pulling Jeremy against him gently “I’ve been your best friend for twelve years, I’m asking myself why I didn’t notice sooner” he said 

“I just I didn’t want to stress you out I’m sorry…” He said softly looking up at Michael through his lashes frowning softly. Michael looked more than exasperated and ran a hand through his hair “Jeremy I care about you a lot this is stressing me out too. I just want you to be okay again. I want my best friend back.” 

“Why would you still want to be friends with me? I mean I’m broken.” He whispered shaking his head 

“What do you mean why would I want to be friends with you? Dude you’re the coolest person ever and besides if didn’t have you who would play video games with me” he teased 

Jeremy gave him a hint of a smile and shrugged sheepishly “You’d find someone else” he said 

Michael shook his head emphatically “Dude there’s no way you’re literally the coolest.” He said and awkwardly punched his arm to which Jeremy just chuckled a little and looked up at Michael “You know you’re my favorite person?” He asked 

“Aw is it really true I’m your favowite pewson” he grinned and then his face turned serious “I really like you Jeremy. Like a lot.” He said his face turning a light shade of red “And I really care about you and no matter what you say I need to get this out in the open. Jeremy Heere I am deeply, irrevocably, completely, utterly, and unconditionally in love with you” he said taking both of his hands and smiled down at his lap happy to finally have said it and then looked up at Jeremy expectantly 

Jeremy was frozen looking at Michael a bit shocked but nodded slowly “I mean I don’t think I could be as eloquent but I think I feel the same way” he said smiling to which Michael broke into a grin and pulled Jeremy into a tight hug sighing into his shoulder and in a burst of spontaneity scooted back a little and leaned forward kissing Jeremy gently 

It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t magical. It was awkward and sloppy and they had to get used to it but it was theirs. It was their first kiss and no doubt it was something they would never forget. 

“I’m here for you Jeremy” he said finally “I think that-I think we can figure this out together” he smiled and loosely laced their fingers together “I need you to be there and I need you to be able to help me help you” 

Jeremy nodded “I think I can do that” he said “Besides it’s a two player game and I need my player one.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my trash. I try.


End file.
